Don’t Forget To Look Up In Your Search For Happiness

It doesn’t seem like much of insight to say that the most important thing I learned while stopping to observe the world around me is that the world around me never stops – that people are always moving, always searching, always striving.

Whether it was a late night heart to heart with a friend about the frustrations of finding love, an impromptu water cooler conversation with a co-worker about having real impact in our jobs, or an unplanned voice memo thread between two perfectionists looking for happiness in an imperfect world, all of the people I talked to during my search for the “waves” of our lives were working towards some ideal or some feeling they hadn’t quite yet captured.

Again, not much of an insight, right. You probably already know as well as I do how we’re all searching for something; how all of us are constantly striving towards some goal. But within this not so insightful insight, there are some nuanced lessons to be learned – two lessons to be exact. And like all great lessons, these two are best learned through a story.

From Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist:

A merchant sent his son to learn the Secret of Happiness from the wisest of men. The young man wandered through the desert for forty days until he reached a beautiful castle at the top of a mountain. There lived the sage that the young man was looking for.

However, instead of finding a holy man, our hero entered a room and saw a great deal of activity; merchants coming and going, people chatting in the corners, a small orchestra playing sweet melodies, and there was a table laden with the most delectable dishes of that part of the world.

The wise man talked to everybody, and the young man had to wait for two hours until it was time for his audience.

The Sage listened attentively to the reason for the boy’s visit, but told him that at that moment he did not have the time to explain to him the Secret of Happiness.

He suggested that the young man take a stroll around his palace and come back in two hours’ time.

“However, I want to ask you a favor,” he added, handing the boy a teaspoon, in which he poured two drops of oil. “While you walk, carry this spoon and don’t let the oil spill.”

The young man began to climb up and down the palace staircases, always keeping his eyes fixed on the spoon. At the end of two hours he returned to the presence of the wise man.

“So,” asked the sage, “did you see the Persian tapestries hanging in my dining room? Did you see the garden that the Master of Gardeners took ten years to create? Did you notice the beautiful parchments in my library?”

Embarrassed, the young man confessed that he had seen nothing. His only concern was not to spill the drops of oil that the wise man had entrusted to him.

“So, go back and see the wonders of my world,” said the wise man. “You can’t trust a man if you don’t know his house.”

. . .

LESSON #1 DON’T FORGET TO LOOK UP

As you work towards your goals, you’ll find yourself in places, having experiences, and meeting people that you never would have been, had, or met had you not chosen to pursue your goals. And that’s really important.

In just the course of these past few weeks, directly due to writing this series, I’ve had new conversations with old friends, I’ve had deep conversations with new friends, I’ve found new shared interests with family, I somehow got a few people to come to church with me, I’ve learned about new social psychology theories, I’ve been recommended new music, I’ve watched better TV shows, I’ve read new books. 

I’ve lived. 

And I only arguably reached my goal. 

Sure I wrote the articles, but if you look back, the search for love ended in an unreconciled tension between 2 loves – self love love and other love. The search for good work started with an assumption that I’m still not sure of – that it’s “right” to separate work that you love from your paying job. All the while, the true right answer is probably that there is no right answer – that either doing what you love for work or not is a valid approach. 

The point here is simple – just like the boy who walked around the mansion with his face down, oblivious to the beauty around him because he was so focused on his goals, don’t forget to look up as you chase yours.

In your search for true love, don’t let your desire to find “the one” make you forget the ordinary joy in meeting new people and making new connections. Everyone you meet has the potential to be somebody great in your story, romantic or not. And remember, the ups and downs and deep feelings that come with love and heartbreak are what remind us that we’re not just alive but that we’re actually living.

In your search for good work, don’t forget the childlike excitement in finding new interests and passions, even if they don’t turn into a career. Whether you love your current job or not, I guarantee there are skills you’ll learn and people you’ll meet there that you never would have learned or met otherwise.

Call it one of the great ironies – or blessings – of life, but I think we’ll find that in the process of our searches, we’ll find much of what we were searching for in the first place. If we would just look up.

. . .  

Now more at ease, the young man took the spoon and strolled again through the palace, this time paying attention to all the works of art that hung from the ceiling and walls.

He saw the gardens, the mountains all around the palace, the delicacy of the flowers, the taste with which each work of art was placed in its niche. Returning to the sage, he reported in detail all that he had seen.

“But where are the two drops of oil that I entrusted to you?” asked the sage.

Looking down at the spoon, the young man realized that he had spilled the oil.

“Well, that is the only advice I have to give you,” said the sage of sages.

“The Secret of Happiness lies in looking at all the wonders of the world and never forgetting the two drops of oil in the spoon.”

. . . 

LESSON #2 DON’T FORGET TO LOOK UP 

The goals many of us are striving towards are not unimportant goals. Finding true love. Doing good work. Being happy. These are the things that make life worthwhile. These are the things we stay alive for.

While it’s easy to stop at the first half of the story where the wise man scolds the boy for focusing too much on his goal without ever looking up to see the beauty of his journey, it’s necessary that we read the rest of the story. It’s necessary that we always remember our own two drops of oil – whether they be the goals common to humanity like finding true love, doing good work, and being happy, or the personal dreams that God placed in your heart to achieve. 

Enjoy the journey. Take the scenic route. Make a few detours. But always remember that there are people waiting on your true love. There are communities waiting for the change that can only come through your good work. There’s a whole world out there waiting on your gifts.

In the story, the boy has to look down at his two drops of oil. But I like to think that most of us are looking up to our goals and to these higher ideals of true love, good work, and happiness, making sure to embrace the beauty of the journey, but always searching with our heads held high. 

THE NEXT LESSON

Like all good lessons, these two on the importance of looking up as we chase our dreams have made me think. Specifically, they’ve made me think about why many of us find it difficult to look up and embrace that middle phase in between the onset of our journeys and the achievement of our goals. 

These gray areas are universally frustrating.  They’re avoided at worst and tolerated at best. But like writing this series as shown me, while there are certainly some gray areas that should be avoided, there are others that should be embraced. 

In my next series of musings, we’ll talk about both.