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- Making This House Into A Home
We can define rituals as symbolic techniques of making oneself at home in the world. They transform being-in-the-world into a being-at-home. They turn the world into a reliable place. They are to time what a home is to space.
Rituals are to time what home is to space.
I’ve always found this such a beautiful way to express a feeling to which many of us can relate - the comfort in having a stable routine.
But as I kept thinking, it made me question, do I really feel at home in this world? In my world?
Sure, I have my routines, but have they made my life feel like home?
Which of course prompted the next question - what even is a home?
I spent some time thinking about this and have landed on three features:
A home is familiar - I know where my home is and I know what to expect when I get there
A home is personal - it’s my home, not necessarily the same as your home
A home is safe - My home is somewhere I feel protected from outside danger
It’s interesting how often we call upon the symbolism of a home :
Climate change advocates stress the idea that earth is our home - our only home - and we have a duty to save it.
Military recruiters and national security politicians implore us to protect our home from foreign invaders.
City revivalists call our neighborhoods a shared home, a communal living space that requires our care and attention.
With “home” being such a sentimental reference point, I’m sure many are surprised that these calls to action don’t work. Who wouldn’t want to save, protect, and care for their home?
Well, I don’t think this world, this life, and especially this country feel like home to a lot of people. For reasons I’m not equipped or necessarily inclined to unpack, these “communal” homes that we “share” feel more like random houses that we’ve been dropped into; chaotic environments that don’t feel particularly familiar, personal, or safe.
Yet we must go on. For better or worse, we’re here. So even though the “big H” Houses that we’ve been placed don’t feel like homes, we need somewhere to feel like one.
So here’s what I’ve done. Or more honestly, here’s what I’m still doing: crafting a routine that makes me feel at home in my life; that makes me feel like my life is a familiar, personal, and safe place. With all the uncertainty and anxiety about our external world hanging above our heads, we should at least be able to retreat into our personal lives when the rest gets to be too much.
I haven’t figured it all out, but I think I’ve learned a few things along the way about making this humble house of mine into a home.
A Home Is Familiar
Find your anchor places - events and locations that you regularly visit e.g., church, workout classes, weekly pizza parties with friends 🙂
Find your anchor people - often found at your anchor places
Consistency is key - make a routine that you can keep. An inconsistent routine is as good as no routine.
Ultimately, familiarity is about reliable expectations. Turn on the TV and everyday we seem to be facing “unprecedented challenges”, “new world orders”, “historic highs”, and “historic lows”. Mentally, this is chaotic. Some things should be precedented. Some things need to be reliable and stable. Find those people and things in your life.
A Home Is Personal
Know yourself - your routine has to be yours. It may look a bit strange to others but that’s OK. You’re the only one that always has to live in your home. You might as well make it somewhere you like.
This may mean waking up at 4 am if you’re a morning person or staying up late into the night if thats when you’re most comfortable. It may mean eating the same boring, oatmeal breakfast every single day no matter if your roommates say it looks like prison food. Hey, then maybe I like prison food!
A Home Is Safe
Common harmful things we let into our homes:
Social Media
News
Negative thinkers
Get them out of your home. Or at least limit their visit time.
We all want to believe that the world is a orderly and predictable place. And perhaps one of our greatest needs as people is to believe that we have control over our lives. In an increasingly disorderly, unpredictable, and uncontrollable house of a world, whatever it looks like, please make sure you have someplace that you can call home.
The most fulfilling moments for me as a writer have come when others reach out and say “me too.” It’s extremely comforting to know that you’re not alone and that others have felt the same feelings and thought the same thoughts as you.
My hope is that you can share in that connection too, whether by sending this to a friend you think could relate or perhaps using a few words that have stuck with you to start a conversation. Who knows what might unfold from a brief moment of vulnerability.
Either way, thanks for reading, and until our next musing.
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